I went to work this morning!

On account of the torrential rain, my mother dropped me off by the post-office, and I scuttled along until I reached my destination: WILD!

However, to enter such a shop, required a certain knowledge of the area! I ducked into the shop next-door, MICHAEL'S - where I used to spend my days before Lauren left us - and strode confidently behind the desk where, much to the amazement of customers, I hopped down some carefully concealed stairs! Indeed, to the uneducated eye, it may have even appeared as if I were doing that magical trick where one PRETENDS to walk down some stairs behind a solid object. However, not I! Jumping two steps at a time, I reached the bottom of the stairs to find: the stock room. 

Tip-toeing over upturned boxes and scattered balloons, I carefully maneuvered my way along to the office, making sure I didn't bang my head on the low ceilings or knock any of the shakily stacked up ornaments. On reaching the office, I hurriedly scooped up the tin-box where we keep our money, and the notepad in which I hand-write receipts and document items we have sold. We don't have a till in my ridiculous shop. 

Of course, I didn't go anywhere without my torch.

Opening a creaking, ancient door I steeped into a twilight-like atmosphere, my shadow growing long as I stepped forwards into the increasing gloom. A few metres later, I reached second door in this underground passage. Clutching my faithful torch, I switched ON and pushed open the door, to meet complete and utter darkness. Without my torch, I couldn't see my hand in front of my face. Nonetheless, I continued with my quest, following the single beam of light that came from my torch in the vague direction of the elecrtricity box. 

Eventually I found it, and, shifting the torch onto my left hand, I used my right to muster all my strength and push down the stiff power buttom that would end the murkiness of my task.

ZAP! And with that, the lights around me buzzed obediently into life, revealing a dimly-lit lilacly sort of room - yet another addition to the twisted underground maze . Discarding my now-useless torch, I skipped along to another set of stairs, which, as I ascended, led me to the interior of my shop, whose shutters were closed, thus creating an eerie sort of semi-darkness. I unlocked the door and opened the shutters, and the shop was instantly drowned in daylight, creating a much cheerier enviroment.

Of course, no customers came rushing in, and for the rest of the day I was so bored that I swept and mopped up the floor purely for my own entertainment. In fact, the only occasion when I had any sort of contact with a human-being during my time there was when the rain poured down so heavily that I ran to the doorway to gape at it, and was soon joined by another man sheltering from the weather, who stood next to me until the rain lessened, silently smoking.

On signing into msn there I realised I had been added by a mystery character.

"Who is this?" I enquired.

"FRENCHIE SACRE BLEU JE T'AIME JE T'AIME HAW HAW HAW" came the reply.

Not actually.

But it WAS a french man I apparently gave my e-mail address to in abc last Friday! (James and Tony - you remember the one - I was running away from him because he wouldn't leave me alone? Well, as it happens, he's actually a good "banter"! And, unless my memory is lying to me, quite the hunk!)

Thus, I expect to be married to THIS French man in little to no time! 





Additionally, tonight I had Oonagh, Eilidh and Lauren over for a poker evening. As it happens, none of us knows how to play poker, but we did have a merry evening nonetheless playing CHEAT (naturally, I won) and SWITCH (for the record, Oonagh CANNOT handle fast-paced card-games...)

I haven't stopped since Friday - I've been to Botanics, Ashton Lane, ABC, work, Oonagh's party, the West End festival, Oonagh's again, and finally Eilidh's on Sunday evening. 

I only returned home briely during this period of time, to shower and sleep! I am a crazy cat, for sure! 

After Oonagh's on Saturday I sustained a number of injuries - my foot is consistently bleeding, and I have a bruise in the sort of kidney-area of my back where I fell over whilst cartwheeling in the garden. 

Grand old time though! Sorry for falling asleep at eleven thirty, but we all know there's no preventing that when I'm at a party! 

Saturday night  was a bundle of joy, pubbing it up at the CCA then drunkenly stumbling into abc - alone - to meet my sister and her friend. 

Naturally, I proposed and this time my offer of marriage was accepted.



Meet my husband - we had an actual ceremony this time. My sister's friend Gillian was the minister, and the marriage actually consisted of saying our wedding vows at the top of the stairs in abc, and concluding "You may now kiss the bride". 

As it happens, I was more drunk than usual, and pestered my friends' lovers throughout the evening. I fell onto my sister's hearthrob's lap, and squealed with delight at Oonagh's particular gentleman caller when I realised he was standing next to me at the bar. (But he said she's sexy, so it was OOOOOOOKay!)

Then at four in the morning, I went to a crrrrrazy restaurant with my sister, her friend, my sister's conquest of the evening, and his brother. 

These two men HATED me. 

As a result, I decided to annoy them by being even freakier than usual. Here is a picture of one of them staring disdainfully at me as I roared "PEEEEECTURE TIME!" in a Russian accent.




This man I called my brother-in-law, and he openly declared that he hated me. This earned him a photo opportunity too.



The night concluded with me gazing through the window as the sun began to rise. 

"I have a question" I began, my accent now taking a distinctive italian tone. I lent over the table, grabbing my enemies' heads closer into mine.  "Is that the light of day outside, or the light of night?" 

They groaned into their bacon sandwhiches, and watched with dismay as I stuck my tongue out at them, and pulled more and more grotesque faces until it was time to go. 
 

I have spent a sleepless night tossing and turning in a pile of hot tears, checking my phone obsessively, and moaning and groaning outloud all morning. 

A word of warning, my friends - do not go to the pub with your french teacher, sleaze all over him outrageously all evening, then, whilst waiting alone with him for the taxi, inform him "je t'aime."

"Vraiment?!" he said, bewildered. 

"Non non non, " I replied, trying to laugh off the fact I just told him in french that I loved him. "Actually, yeah I do! Of course I love you. We should get married [it was inevitable that this would arouse in our conversation] right this instant!" 

"But..I do not want to get married" he said slowly in his french accent. 

"It would be fun! We'd make the best husband and wife ever!" I cried despearately. 

"But I am twenty three, are you are only seventeen!" He reasoned. 

"So?"

"Wait, " he said, after a silence.  "Do you VRAIMENT love me?"

"Oui" I answered sadly. I looked up at him and there was a pause where, had he loved me back, he would have kissed me. 

Instead, he pinched my cheek in a fatherly manner and said amusedly "Ah Susie, if you were older, if you were older..." 

And he hugged me and put me into a taxi, and I was so mortified I couldn't look him in the eye and say goodbye. 

Went to the doctors and got some RED DYE IN MY EYE! It was very exciting - all my vision in my left eye turned a bright crimson! Suddenly I could see what it would be like if half the world were red! 

Conjuctivitus requires me to stay at home and not contagosize my disease :(

whats one thing thats heavily weighing on your mind?
Oh the old Wishaw situation - feeling a bit guilty about my "whoremeister" characteristics.

whats one thing you've learned from a good friendship gone bad?
You're a twat?

whats one thing you've learned lately from love?
My parents still love each other which is quite nice because they're old and have grey hair and they got married in their early 20's and had 5 children and still maintain that they've never looked back and they're glad that they did. And well thats just lovely isn't it?

is there anyone special in your life at the moment?
Thousands!

whats a happy time you've had in the past week?
Dancing to ridiculous music at Dan's 18th on Friday.

how far would you go for love?
Go WHERE?!

is there anything in your past that you'd like to try again?
My higher biology exam - I am convinced that I could have got a higher grade if I'd had ONE MORE DAY'S STUDYING.

whats your favorite kind of weather?
Hot days in Scotland when we all proudly slap on sun-cream and shamefully get so hot we have to go inside to the cool of Lauren's kitchen and paint pictures.

who do you like to spend your nights with?
My friends of COURSE. And my siblings and I also have quite good jolly times with a good old family guy DVD.

are you an emotional person?
Only to a certain few people...

can you cry in front of others easily?
Haha, the only time I can remember crying in front of my friends was that ridiculous night when Oonagh and I got wasted in the West End then - on reflection, needlessly - grew outraged at Davidjack, who had done nothing, then bawled all the way home on the train until a man sitting next to us sent me a video on my phone of a snowman with an erection.

whats something that can always make you feel better?
Merely calling up one of my chums can do a world of difference!

what does love make you feel like?
Ooh all warm and fuzzy inside.

and losing love?
All cold and smooth outside.
...............

I apologise.